Losing joy & then finding her again.

She must be somewhere deep down in your heart, Joy that is. Maybe today she is ready to come out & play.

  Approx. 5 months ago. My husband and I were in a head on collision. I severed a tendon in my wrist because at that moment I believed I had super powers &  I could stop the vehicle if I held on. Boy was I wrong.  It could have been worse & I am thankful it wasn’t but I have to say it has not been fun. In March I had to have surgery to put my tendon back together, then I was in a placed in a full arm cast for 7 weeks. UGHH!  For someone with ADD this was maddening. I couldn’t do anything but stare at the things I wanted to do. I had to have my husband help me shower, open things, cut my food & carry things for me. To top it off I was now a one finger typist & couldn't use my camera properly.

the hardest thing to do was scratch, my husband attempted to put my hair in a pony tail, &

my pillow that my friend made me. 

 



So what does one do when they are an independent, crazed ADD, mad DIY’er & forced to sit their butt down? Cry, get mad, get sad, & lose their mind.

When the day came to take my cast off, I cried, I was so happy. What a Joyous day! The medical assistant couldn't cut the cast off fast enough, I even started helping her tug it open. And finally, there it was... my arm, cold, swollen, chaffing, & now HAIRY ?! It looked like a limp wet noodle (minus the hair) My arm couldn’t do a darn thing. It wanted to crawl back in that cast & I wanted to go with it.  I was told therapy would take a minimum of 6 months & a year to fully function, if even that. WHAT? Seriously?

I was determined to get back to work & do projects. So I started therapy immediately & I worked extra hard at home. I was going to have a VERY SPEEDY recovery. I finally was able to do a little more & was approved to work light duty. But since I work at a hospital, there was no light duty for me to do.  They wanted to make sure I was safe & the patients were safe. Cue hormones to release the water works! I understood, but this was hard as I love my job.

I sat, stared, napped, stared some more & didn’t do anything.

The hubby soon realized that I was falling into introvert mode fast. I would sit & stare at the computer, google became my friend. I would flip through Netflix trying to find something interesting to watch but instead just read the descriptions. I would sit on the floor, I would sit outside & then I would sit back inside.  I was sad. I knew it but I couldn't explain why.  I didn’t get out. I couldn’t even go for a walk & when I decided to, it was too late.  I prayed for peace & understanding but I just  couldn’t get motivated to do anything.

I lost joy! 

A month ago , on memorial day weekend,  it started raining. Buckets poured & waters roared & rushed through Austin & surrounding cities. Sadly a lot of people were impacted by the floods & lives were lost, including precious little ones.  I started going through my closet & donated as much stuff as I could.

Austin Pets Alive also got flooded not only by water but by animals too. My husband & I went down there to see if we could help & found that they needed linens to be washed. So my saddened days went from sitting at home starring at the wall to washing towels, blankets & linens. 4 trash bags later I went to drop them off & came home with 3 puppies.  I found my JOY!

Now where is the joy in that? Pee, poop, chewing, biting, & late hours. No, YES! thank you.  It was my saving grace towards my sanity.  I have fostered before but this time it was different. This was going to be my job right now. I had something to do &  I had the availability to stay home & train these pups. Best of all I was able to find these babies fur-ever homes without hurting my hand.

I eventually fostered 3 more fosters & this time I decided to bring them to the hospital where I worked. This gave me the chance to get human interaction (which I so desperately needed) & my co-workers got puppy therapy.  WIN! WIN!

employee therapy

 

When you find that you are stuck & your down, it’s always best to find something you love to do. Paint, dance, garden, take a walk or go volunteer. Better yet become an animal foster. There is something about puppy breath & cute clumsy puppies running around that can bring a smile & a spark of light into your heart. Unless they trip you & you fall & chip a tooth. Then that wouldn't be a great smile at all.  

you foster them & then they sit on your face.



SIDE NOTE.

I know that things could be worse but this was my fight. Not having the ability to do what I physically wanted to do & being told I couldn't work, broke my heart.  This was my heavy chain. Everyone has their own battles. What appears small could be a lot bigger for them. Everyone deals with things differently. When I was left alone with my own thoughts, I realized that my sadness kicked in. Of course  I am no expert on situational depression/sadness, but when a person with ADD is left with their thoughts, it can overwhelming. Thoughts need to have an outlet & if it can not be released then it sits there piling up with more thoughts.  For example; if you had a dog that had a broken leg, you wouldn't say "SQUIRREL" to it, you  know that s/he couldn't chase after it. It wouldn't be very nice if you did.  So you  wouldn't say anything & leave it be. BECAUSE YOU ARE A NICE PERSON! 

 Well my brain IS NOT NICE, it  says "SQUIRREL" ALL  the time & all I can do  is look at the darn rodent.  I have learned to discipline myself with staying on task & doing projects after my tasks are done, but when you can't do a task to get to that project (my Squirrel) I'm going nuts. I can  only chase my own tail for so long before I become a mad dog.

HOW DO YOU FIND YOUR JOY?

Life is short, find your joy & smile while you still have teeth.